Entitled
By Jill Jenkins
Ancient Greek spectators gathered at the Colosseum to be
entertained by the death of captured slaves in combat or eaten by lions; American
pioneers murdered Native Americans stealing their land under the guise of
Manifest Destiny; and Australian colonists hunted and murders native aboriginal
people for sport. All felt
entitled. Objectifying people for their
own pleasure or profit results in horrific outcomes for the victims while those
who feel superior justify their despicable behavior because they feel entitled.
Entitlement is a problem that plagues the orderly process of every classroom
while destroying victims’ self-esteem, increasing violence and incidents of
suicide.
How Does It Begin?
Entitlement begins in early childhood long before these
children enter school by parents who fail to establish boundaries. A toddler
will snatch a toy from another child; destroy electronic devices in the home;
or a push a younger child who impedes his/her desires. Entitled children become entitled adults who
fail to rise through Maslow’s hierarchy to become self-actualized adults. Parents often enable children to selfishly
bully and abuse other children for their own gain. Unfortunately, this behavior
not only negatively impacts the victims, but retards the social development of
the child. All children need to be
taught three simple rules to function well in society: first, respect others
property; second, respect others; and third, accept responsibility.
Respect Other’s Property
Children need to learn to respect other’s property. Every classroom has been disturbed by the
cries of a student whose books have been intentionally knocked to the floor or
an item has been snatched from his hands.
Every classroom has been sent into turmoil when a child’s cellphone or
his I-Pad has been stolen. Often such incidents erupt into a fist fight or a
loud altercation ending the learning for a period of time. How many students
have been intimidated by a student who feels entitled to extort money or
forcefully removes money or valuables from a less powerful child? Children need to be taught at home to keep
their hands off anything that doesn’t belong to them. Although they should be encouraged to share,
they need to learn to accept boundaries from another child or an adult. “No” means “no.” Parents who enable children to disrespect the
rights of property are not doing them a favor.
For example in the 1980’s, I had just purchased a new Fiero. Two girls
in a performing group, I sponsored stole my keys and took my car for a joy
ride. When I contacted both parents, one
of the mothers told me it was my fault for having a sporting looking car that
teenagers might want. Perhaps, it was my
fault for not pressing charges, but I hope the young lady grew up to believe
she was not entitled to take anything that she fancied.
Respect Other People
Throughout my years as a teacher, I have stopped many
children from fighting only to hear, “It is okay. We’re friends.” I have heard
students use racially derogatory words who responded when confronted, “It is
okay. We’re friends.” It’s not “okay” to physically or verbally assault another
person regardless of the shared relationship.
Similarly, a person is not entitled to physically and verbally batter
his/her spouse. When a child’s abuse of
another is ignored, we are teaching him/her that it’s “okay” to abuse the most
important people in his/her life resulting in domestic violence. Often times, these incidents seem small and
unimportant, but if the pattern continues, the incidents can grow even more
destructive. For instance, while teaching
in a high school, I encountered a shy, unassuming girl, Doris, who worked as my
student-aide. Doris filed papers and
organized my folders. She was a gem;
responsible and polite. Atypical for
Doris, she missed a few days of school, so concerned I consulted the counseling
office. The school’s social worker told
me that Doris had been cornered by six young men as she walked home from
school. They taunted her about her
physical appearance before pushing her to the ground. One of the boys jumped upon her and tried to
remove her clothing, touching her inappropriately. When a passing motorist spooked them, the
boys ran off leaving Doris bruised and humiliated. Despite the fact that all of the boys involved
were students enrolled at the high school, the school had decided not to pursue
action against them, because it had happened off campus and they hadn’t
actually raped the girl. The boys returned to school unimpeded. Doris, who was
too humiliated and frightened, was told to stay home. The school was punishing the victim and not
the perpetrators.
Accept Responsibility
The final social skill students need to acquire to be
successful is learning to take responsibility for their actions. Although the incident took place off campus,
the administrators should have held the boys responsible for their
behavior. They should have all been held
accountable because they were not entitled to abuse others for their own
entertainment. I have known principals
who use their authority to help students learn to be responsible. In one middle
school where I taught for a few decades, a group of ninth grade boys were
taunting a seventh grade intellectually challenged boy. One of the older boys
tripped the younger boy who fell into a classroom while a group of older
students watched laughing. The incident was recorded on the school’s security
camera. The principal not only held the
boy accountable who tripped the younger student, but also the boys who stood by
laughing and making no attempt to stop the bullying. My student was one of those boys. To my surprise, his father told me how glad
he was that the principal had suspended his son, because he was glad his son
was learning that his behavior was wrong and he needed to accept responsibility
for not stopping the bullying. Treating
others as objects for your own amusement is just as bad as tripping the
boy.
As educators we teach more than our academic subject. We teach students to be good citizens. Good citizens respect property, respect
people (even when they are different from us) and accept responsibility when
they are wrong. Entitled: students are
entitled to a safe, pleasant learning environment where they feel no one will
hurt them physically or emotionally or take their personal belongings. They should feel safe that others won’t
coerce them into cheating from them or extort money or answers from them. Those who feel entitled to hurt others or
take what doesn’t belong to them need to be held accountable or they will never
become truly responsible citizens.