Show A Little
Kindness
Creating
a warm, caring environment helps students grow both emotionally and
intellectually. A conscious effort by the instructor is the only way to achieve
this. How do you do this? First, develop empathy; second, model formal
manners; and third, create predictable procedures, but temper them with mercy.
Remember
what it feels like to be a fourteen-year-old teenager who is certain that the
girl sitting next to you and who has never said more than three words to you is
the love of your life. Remember what if
feels to be a seventh grade boy who is so worried about getting to class on
time that you don’t see the door opening into the hallway and crash directly
into it breaking your nose. Remember being
so preoccupied with what others might think that you couldn’t possibly go into
the restroom and use a toilet during class change because other people will know
that you have bodily functions. Remember when you were an eleven year old boy
and believed belching the alphabet was the funniest and the greatest
accomplishment of your life. Remember when you were a thirteen year old girl
and you raised your hand four times to answer questions. When the teacher finally called on you, it was
the one and only question that you didn’t know.
You knew that teacher did this on purpose just to humiliate you. It is easy to laugh at the serious
tribulation of the average middle school student, but to these students these
concerns are serious and at times overwhelming. As educators, we not only teach
our subject’s curriculum, but help build the emotional and social well-being of
the child. To do that, the teacher needs
to remember what if feels like to be a middle school student and communicate that empathy to them.
Modeling
proper manners is a good way for an educator to teach a student how to show
respect. To be respected, one must earn
respect. Manners involves more than what
you say to a student, because body language communicates so much more than words.
For example, I have known educators whose body language and vocal tones tell
students that they are “the scum of the earth.”
The students read this and reflect the attitude back to the
instructor. On the other hand, I have
known teachers who refer to students as "Mr. Smith” or “Miss Martinez,”
thank students for each appropriate gesture and give students compliments
as they enter the classroom. The
students feel like millionaire guests at a luxury hotel. They love to be pampered and respected, just like
we all do. They sub-consciously begin to mirror the behavior and become more
civilized. The civility continues
when a student is being corrected, “Mr. Brown, I am sorry, but you know you can’t
have that cell phone out in class. If
you could please put it away, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for complying with the rules.” (All
of this, of course, is said with a smile on his face.)
Finally
students comply with rules if there are clear procedures in place and they are consistently
reinforced. The Conscious Classroom Management by
Rick Smith is a good source for new teachers to develop creative, fun
procedures that are easily established. (If you are an administrator, either
send your teachers to one of Rick Smith’s workshops or invite him for the
entire faculty. He is amazing and very
entertaining.) I personally love his “Exit
Procedure.” If you have taught middle
school or are about to teach it, you know or will learn that the last five
minutes of class is not productive. The
students stop working, put everything away, wander about the room, so they can
be the first to dash out of the door knocking desks, small students and
teachers asunder. To avoid this, Rick
Smith suggests that you have an “Exit Procedure” that is posted on the wall
with a rubric of readiness. Mine
was: first, butts in seats, second, feet
on floor; third, facing front; fourth, hands on desk; and fifth, smiling. (Smiling was added by a student, because he
said it was his favorite class and it felt more like a game. Since people are always happy when they play
games, we should smile.) I hold up my fingers to indicate if they are ready to
leave. One finger means total mayhem and
five fingers means ready to go. The
great thing about this procedure is as a teacher, you don’t have to say
anything. The students will begin
regulating the less manageable students.
They know that no one can leave (regardless of when the bell rings)
until they reach a five and everyone is in proper exit procedure.
Although
it is important to be consistent, sometimes all teachers have to “show a little
kindness” and bend the rules. If you
have a student who is struggling because of a difficult situation, you may need
to stretch the rules a little. For
example, I once had a student whose parents were going through a custody battle
and when he spent time with his father he was absent often and did not complete his assigned work; as a result, he failed my class. When I learned about the situation, the
young man and I sat and discussed this.
I began by showing empathy for his situation. Then, I emphasized the importance of taking
control of one’s life even when “bad things happen that are beyond our control.” Finally I offered him a contractual agreement
to rectify the situation. He had to earn
a minimum of a “C” and I would change his grade for the previous quarter to a “D-“;
thus avoiding summer school. He earned
an “A” the next quarter. It doesn’t
matter the details of the agreement. The students learns how to pick
himself up and get back in the race, an important life skill. Often students
are in a stressful situation and they need a little kindness to be successful.